January 11, 2013

Lance is Coming To Oprah?

Really? On Oprah? A women's show?
I did it for my Country!
Or maybe it was the money.....
Yeah, I remember, it was the money.
Mommy issues or what? Face the music like a man and just come clean with a press statement. Yes I know you want to be a star but nut up already. Oops, is that inappropriate?

Just don't cry and make us all sick. And keep God out of it.

Update Jan 18, 2013 - A very strategic release of the truth (complete with the sniffles), still lying about all the really bad stuff:
  1. The bribery
  2. The UCI
  3. Pushing drugs on other riders
  4. Ferrari's a good guy (after all he did help Lance with his recent triathlon career)
  5. Clean comeback from retirement (I can compete clean. No really. Oh yeah, and the statute of limitations hasn't expired for that time period.)
  6. The Andreus - what was that?
Looking at footage of his old lies, his new lies don't seem as convincing. I guess he's lost a step, like all of us past our prime. Or maybe they don't call it dope for nothing.

And you're doing this interview to get a shorter ban, because you deserve it? C'mon Lance. You aren't doing this for your family? You aren't doing this so you can have a semi-normal life at some point? You aren't doing this to clear your conscience? Sleep better at night? This one is probably true, even though it is unbelievable. What a guy!

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